The Thousand Lives of Summer

There is still a touch of Spring in the wind, a light chill in the morning, a temperate breeze in the afternoon, and like my mood, i am a little behind with the intrusion of Summer.

Days are getting longer. I am starting to feel the pinch of weariness at the end of the day. Sometimes i am too aware that time is dragging, the hours between five to ten in the evening are the longest; i will twist and turn and sit still again, with an idea, a shadow, an object, to watch, to hold, to waste... and before i know it i am a dog ready to crash in bed, thinking, recalling, plotting, all the disapointments, the what-ifs, the should-have-beens... the thousand lives of Summer.

Then i will regress, swimming on a brown river, peeing on the campfire, drinking absinthe under the stars, endless water, alluvial memories, the old lives of Summer, of youth, of youth, of youth, i am ready to be young again, mercy.

Therefore i doubt, hence i am

There will be no vacation for me this summer. Not the vacation that will take me away out of some far away town. The reasons are obvious: money and time. It sounds like a blank ad for a billboard but it is true because i have nothing to show up for it. I will be in the LA and Orange county vicinities and perhaps outskirting in Vegas. If you will be skedaddling in these towns, let me know, perhaps we can arrange something.

I have registered on a watercolor class. I never really have a formal training on painting before but i thought i will give it try, after all it's all about self expression. This is a short none-credit class, which means i can't get a "D" for not putting the effort.

On a somewhat similar note, i often wonder if i need a formal training on my writing. On one hand, i feel the classroom setting will improve all of the technicalities that i will never learn on my own and i will have a critical support group of teachers and peers; and on the other, i feel like i am also growing through an independent and self-sustaining nurturing of my craft. This is a seesaw opinon that i have never thought seriously about, but it's always at the back of my mind like a hanging nail.